Found Dr. Jolly...

and he was pretty cool...he last worked at MD Anderson so he's very very familiar with cancer patients, and considers me one even though *I* don't consider myself one. I just feel like I had it so much easier than most...but I digress.

He gave me a script for a new muscle relaxer to try...he was going to prescribe some more pain killers too but I told him I still had plenty left over and didn't want any more in my house until those are gone. I have kids, including a pre-teen and new teen who I don't want to be tempted, no matter how well we're trying to raise them. And honestly, who needs more pain pills when they already have Vicadin, Dilaudid, Morphine, Percoset, Darvocet, Lortab, Talacen, and something else I'm forgetting at the moment. Almost all the bottles are full too, except the Talacen and the Darvocet...those work fairly well so I've used them more than the others...but still, they're over a year old and I haven't used them all yet, nowhere close, so I don't need any more.

They scheduled me for outpatient "surgery" on the 27th...I don't have the name of the procedure in front of me, but he's had some success with it...he'll go in with big-ass needles on each side of my spine and go to the nerve clusters and anesthetize them. There's a more radical way, to use alcohol to burn the nerves, but he said the alcohol isn't selective and could cause other damage, and since I'm in remission, he wants to try the other way first. This is the first step.

The muscle spasms concern him because its something he's never personally seen in the abdomen...and thank you Lord, but one happened while I was there...I yanked my shirt up (after doubling over) and said "LOOK" and he could see my whole abdomen hardening and spasming while I sat there wriggling around and crying. So, there's definite proof that I'm not overreacting and exaggerating. They also checked my blood pressure after it happened and it'd gone through the roof. He said he'll have to do some more research on the spasms, and options we can try.

So...I did feel encouraged...I'm impressed with his medical background, and I liked HIM, as did Justin. Justin also tried to get him to say I couldn't work anymore, and the doctor said just reading the post-operative reports in the system on me and looking at my CT scans and reports, he would be willing to do so, but that he didn't think I wanted that...and I don't. SSI would be nice, but I do NOT want to be...disabled. I feel like I'm probably in more pain because I AM so active with work and all, but I also feel like I'm stronger now than I would be if I were sitting at home feeling sorry for myself. And I WOULD feel sorry for myself if I were here day after day.

Anyway...sorry to ramble. I took one of the new pills just to see how its going to affect me...something called zanaflex. He wants me to take it 3 times a day if it doesn't prevent me from driving or working, but until I see if its going to make me groggy or not (all the labels say it will) I don't want to risk it.

Yes, I'm afraid to take pain pills. That's another story in and of itself. I will take them if I have to, but I hate doing it.