Father's Day

What a time. We were really worried that Justin's dad was hurt badly yesterday, but it appears that he'll be ok. He's 70, and its so hard to remember that...the man seems immortal. I'd walk through fire for him...he's probably the best man I've ever had the pleasure to know.

I wanted to go see my dad this weekend...but it doesn't look as if that's going to happen. I needed Justin to go with me, and he won't. Its HIS Father's Day too after all, and he doesn't want to go to AR and spend time in a federal prison. I understand...but I haven't seen my dad in 2 years. As soon as he gets back from mowing the church yard, I may go anyway. I specifically got the weekend off so I COULD go and I need to. I miss my daddy...I almost died last year, and he almost died a few weeks ago, and I NEED to see him.

What makes a good father? Is it someone who does everything right? My father in law is that way. Even if he did do something wrong, you'd never know it because he's such...well such a great guy. Is it someone who makes lots of mistakes but is there for you anyway? Sure.

My dad was not a great father...but he's the only one I ever had. Sure I had two stepdads, but not until I was an adult. My dad...he's had his problems...but I was a daddy's girl all the way. Mom shielded me a lot from his more emotional problems...in a way, that was worse, because when I grew up, and he'd react a certain way, it was a complete shock to me...a very rude awakening. Still, after his troubles the past few years, he and I grew a lot closer. He finally realized what it meant when I said I was bipolar...when I told him I was depressed...when I told him I felt like I was going crazy and just wanted to be normal. You see, my problems come through him and his mother...but he was always in denial about himself. I remember the day in 2005 when we were talking on the phone, and he was suicidal...and I just opened up and told him exactly how I'd felt all of my adult life. We talked for four hours, and he cried a lot. He felt guilty that he'd underestimated me...disparaged me...because what I was describing made him realize that I was the one person in his family who could 100% understand what he was going through, and he never gave me the credit or the opportunity. Its so sad that just when we were "finding" each other...we were separated.

Justin is a wonderful father. I almost missed him. I remember sitting in my office at work, depressed because I was coming out of a bad relationship...the only real one I'd had since separating from and divorcing my first husband...and I prayed that God would send me a good man who loved Him, who would love my children as if they were his own...would go to church with me...and I kid you not, Justin walked through the door VERY shortly afterwards. He worked in our Jackson office, and I worked in our Hattiesburg office. We talked a little while he worked on my boss's computer, and he promptly asked me to lunch. I wasn't sure if I was expected to pay or not...and I had no money. My lunch was tuna and crackers that day. So I declined. He came in the next day and asked me to lunch again...and again I declined. While he was working on the computers, he'd send me an IM to "test" them, so I had his screenname and he had mine.

A month later, I saw him online, and felt a nudge to IM him. A whirlwind followed...we IM'd the rest of the day at work, and towards the end of the day, he talked me into giving him my home number. We talked late into the night. The next day, we talked all day on IM, and all NIGHT. I kid you not, until 4:30 or 5:00 the next morning. We were both dragging at work. That was a Wednesday. Thursday he was heading to Poplarville to spend the night with his folks and then drive to a conference with Quixtar in Houston with his mom and sister. We made arrangements to meet at the Hattiesburg mall for supper, and spent about 3 hours together. He tried to kiss me a couple times as he was leaving and I kept ducking my head. All the poor boy got was a hug!

The following week was our first official date...it was the last Thursday in March, 2000. We had dinner, and drove around a lot...he took me to Poplarville to his family farm, and wanted me to meet his parents but they weren't home. We had so much fun, and I finally let him kiss me as I was getting ready to get back in my car and go home. To say the earth moved would be an understatement. I came home very confused and with more questions than answers.

Jared's 6th birthday was the following week, and I let him meet Justin. I was very protective of who got to meet my kids. It was love at first sight. Jared IMMEDIATELY wanted to ride in Justin's truck and did NOT want me to go with them. He had so much fun at Justin's family's farm, and all in all was a great day. It was that week at some point that I knew I was in love with Justin. My friend John and I talked about it a lot. I'd "fallen in love" with and married my first husband in a week...I didn't want to think I was making the same mistake again. John was instrumental in convincing me to tell Justin how I felt.

The following weekend was Easter, and my ex had the kids. Justin and I spent the weekend in Jackson, and I told him Friday night that I loved him. He was stunned and I felt like...well like I'd messed up. The next day we went to the Vicksburg National Park...Civil War site...and had so much fun. We explored all day, and he let it slip that he loved me too. It took him completely by surprise when he said it, but he never looked back from that point. That day is one of the best I have memories of...being in love and not being pressured about anything...it was just wonderful. We'd been dating a day past 2 weeks.

The following weekend...3 weeks into our relationship, he took me to the coast, to dinner at Red Lobster. We were dressed up, because we were supposed to be going to a Quixtar meeting, but we ran late so decided to have dinner and then walk on the beach instead. He got down on one knee on the beach, pulled a box out of his pocket, and proposed to me, in the moonlight, with my beloved ocean in the background.

It all moved so fast...we were married 4 months later, and while we've had a couple rough spots in our marriage...August will make 7 years, and I've never looked back. God blessed us with Bekah...a miracle if ever there was one. Justin wasn't supposed to be able to have children...and Bekah herself was a twin. We lost the twin around 7-8 weeks gestation, and I went on complete bed rest so I wouldn't lose her too. They were fraternal thankfully. We get mad at each other...and sometimes yell during our fights. We don't go to bed mad, and I honestly believe I'll be married to him until one or both of us dies. We're such complete opposites...and yet I love him more every day that goes by.

How did this Father's Day turn into a walk down memory lane with Justin? Not sure. All I know is that God does answer our prayers...sometimes we miss it, sometimes we're lucky enough to catch it by the skin of our teeth. Justin is a strict man, but he's also a loving and generous man...and never considers himself to be a father of 1. He always talks about "my kids"...not "my stepkids." He loves them as much as he loves Bekah...or if he doesn't quite, you'd never know it by his actions and words. Its really hard on him to share them with my ex-husband, because he feels like they're his children...but he's gracious about it and my kids...all 3 of them...know that if they ever need anything...he's here for them.

Last of all...this Father's Day, we need to remember our Heavenly Father...without whom NOTHING would be possible. I myself forget to be as grateful as I should be...to give thanks as often as I should. I'll be making more of an effort to do so...take more time to pray and read the Bible than I've been doing. God has been so generous with me, and I've been less than the perfect daughter. Its time I worked on that a lot more than I've been doing lately.

Happy Father's Day!