I've been slacking. I admit it. I've thought several times about blogging over the past couple weeks, but I just didn't feel "up to it." Likely excuse...the fact is I've been in a funk and didn't want to just blog about poor pitiful me. Although I'm not the only one who's been slacking on the blog *coughTenacough*!
Justin had a bit of a nervous breakdown the other night...terrified the heck out of me. He was nasty to me quite a bit, and it really hurt because he never realized he was doing it. Its so out of character for him. Finances just suck...we're in a real bind.
What hurt most was seeing him lose it a bit. He is my rock...my foundation. He keeps me stable...when I'm having wild mood swings or feeling like I want to cut again, he's always there for me, always stabilizing me. Suddenly HE needed something, and I couldn't give it because I was feeling so lost myself.
We got through it and are doing better. We've made some changes financially in our lives...we're cutting back to one cellphone...we cut the satellite off and put up a tv antenna (that doesn't work half the time for some reason even though its a brand new 120-mile antenna). We're pulling Bekah out of daycare, and I cried most of the day yesterday about it. Even Justin was upset after he talked to them about it and they were SO understanding. My mother in law will keep her and "teach" her...she's delayed with her language and understanding, and daycare has really helped her by leaps and bounds, but with me not working, it just isn't an option anymore. MIL is insisting on having her in the mornings until at least after lunch each day...I'm not real sure how I feel about that, because I'll have to go pick her up, and I just haven't felt up to dealing with MIL the past few weeks. She's a good person...we just kind of clash with our ideas and such.
I've been having another health issue the past few days...but don't want to get into it here, if ever lol. Its one of those TMI situations that I just don't want to deal with. My sleep schedule is out of whack too, and I need to get back onto a decent schedule.
I'm feeling really guilty about sitting out of church the past few weeks too. I've been feeling so rotten and having so much pain, and I've been using it as an excuse. I need to get back to God...I've been feeling distant from Him lately and that's part of my problem.
So. I'm a slacker. I really gotta fix that. OH and I'm honest enough to admit that PART of the reason I've been slacking is that I've been spending a LOT of time playing WoW. Last night and this morning though I just couldn't get into playing...so the blahs and slacking have spread over even into that. I need to get motivated and get out and do something. I need to go back to work. I need to do SOMETHING. I really want to feel better, and soon. So it's time I did something about it.
