Title says a lot.
Pain sucks. I'm getting more and more depressed and angry at the world, and I find myself isolating myself from family, friends, life. I don't want to be here anymore. At all. I can't remember WHY I should be grateful God worked a miracle in my life. I don't want my husband to touch me. I'm just pissed off in general, and at life especially.
I saw Dr. Jolly today...he wants to do the more radical alcohol procedure...or an implant. I'm not sure how I feel about either. I cried almost the entire trip down, and almost the entire visit, and almost the entire way home, and even while I was walking through Wal-Mart afterwards getting a few things I needed. Everyone was looking at the crazy lady walking down the household cleaners aisle sobbing her heart out.
I hate where I'm at. I'm even having trouble finding any joy in my children. Justin took my hand today and said he loved me...out of the blue, and all I could say in return was "I honestly don't think there's anything about me to love," and pulled my hand away from him. I don't want him to touch me. I don't want my kids to hug me. I hate...me.
3 comments:
Aw Kandy, I will be praying even harder for you. It's so hard to see what or why God is doing during the dark times. Just know that you are touching lots of people's lives through your experiences, and God will use that for His glory.
I'm not going to pretend I know what it's like living with the pain you live with. But you're in my prayers.
And you might want to check out the blog www.especiallyheather.com. She is going through a lot too, and she has inspired me a lot. Maybe her story would help you too.
(((HUGS)))
Lynnae's right about Heather. She's truly an inspiration. I will pray for you Kandy, that you can get some pain relief and that you can love yourself again.
I like you :)
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