I need new feet!

OK so this is a truly gross picture, and my feet do NOT look like this (they're not THAT old yet lol) but man, they sure do FEEL like it!

I got to work fully expecting to spend most of my time in Money Center tonight, and instead I was doing CSM duty for 7 of the 8 hours I worked (at least). Granted, I didn't have my own keys or numbers yet, but I borrowed from other CSM's...and considering I was left alone to run the front end for about an hour (with no warning whatsoever) I think I did fairly well.

I LOVED the fact that I got to walk so much...the time really flew by because I wasn't standing in any one place. My back and abdomen didn't hurt as badly either, I assumed from the constant movement keeping me from stiffening up. About an hour before I got off though, my feet started really burning, and I limped out to my van after my shift. I have two new blisters. What the heck? Its not like I've been sitting on my bum the past 8 months...I stand on my feet the entire day...I guess there's just more friction walking back and forth.

I feel good about how I worked tonight...but the real test will come once I'm truly on my own. So far though, so good. I had little to no supervision or instruction out on the floor, and I feel very confident in my performance.

So...all in all...a good day (I just need new feet!)

CSM

I got it :) I do the paperwork tomorrow, and then start officially training on Monday, but in actuality will start tomorrow most likely here and there. I'm also to continue covering Money Center until my replacement is trained and in place.

Yay! Maybe things are looking up...

My Country Tis of Thee...

Happy Independence Day America! I love my country...if the National Anthem is playing, I'm standing, saluting, and singing along (even if it is just to myself). I've always been extremely patriotic, and I'm one of those saps that gets all teary-eyed when I see the wind catch the Flag and flutter it out, especially if the National Anthem happens to be playing at the time.

We're a nation that has many liberties and many blessings...I pray for many more for many years to come.

The pool...is cool...

yeah yeah I'm corny. Seriously though, the pool rocks :) ALL day I've wanted to go out and jump in, but Justin did all the work, and I didn't want to get in without him first. He walked through the door at 4:45 and said "What, you're not in the pool?" So we changed and out we went.

Its really nice, a lot bigger than we thought it'd be, and came with an included volleyball game. The net mounts on poles on each side, and the kids are going to LOVE it. They have NO IDEA that we got a pool, much less got it put up. Justin built a 19' square frame and filled it with sand, making sure it was levelled, and the whole set-up is just really nice.

And yes, we ended up skinny dipping in broad daylight. I was stunned that Justin was so risque, but hey, I rolled with it ;-)

Father's Day

What a time. We were really worried that Justin's dad was hurt badly yesterday, but it appears that he'll be ok. He's 70, and its so hard to remember that...the man seems immortal. I'd walk through fire for him...he's probably the best man I've ever had the pleasure to know.

I wanted to go see my dad this weekend...but it doesn't look as if that's going to happen. I needed Justin to go with me, and he won't. Its HIS Father's Day too after all, and he doesn't want to go to AR and spend time in a federal prison. I understand...but I haven't seen my dad in 2 years. As soon as he gets back from mowing the church yard, I may go anyway. I specifically got the weekend off so I COULD go and I need to. I miss my daddy...I almost died last year, and he almost died a few weeks ago, and I NEED to see him.

What makes a good father? Is it someone who does everything right? My father in law is that way. Even if he did do something wrong, you'd never know it because he's such...well such a great guy. Is it someone who makes lots of mistakes but is there for you anyway? Sure.

My dad was not a great father...but he's the only one I ever had. Sure I had two stepdads, but not until I was an adult. My dad...he's had his problems...but I was a daddy's girl all the way. Mom shielded me a lot from his more emotional problems...in a way, that was worse, because when I grew up, and he'd react a certain way, it was a complete shock to me...a very rude awakening. Still, after his troubles the past few years, he and I grew a lot closer. He finally realized what it meant when I said I was bipolar...when I told him I was depressed...when I told him I felt like I was going crazy and just wanted to be normal. You see, my problems come through him and his mother...but he was always in denial about himself. I remember the day in 2005 when we were talking on the phone, and he was suicidal...and I just opened up and told him exactly how I'd felt all of my adult life. We talked for four hours, and he cried a lot. He felt guilty that he'd underestimated me...disparaged me...because what I was describing made him realize that I was the one person in his family who could 100% understand what he was going through, and he never gave me the credit or the opportunity. Its so sad that just when we were "finding" each other...we were separated.

Justin is a wonderful father. I almost missed him. I remember sitting in my office at work, depressed because I was coming out of a bad relationship...the only real one I'd had since separating from and divorcing my first husband...and I prayed that God would send me a good man who loved Him, who would love my children as if they were his own...would go to church with me...and I kid you not, Justin walked through the door VERY shortly afterwards. He worked in our Jackson office, and I worked in our Hattiesburg office. We talked a little while he worked on my boss's computer, and he promptly asked me to lunch. I wasn't sure if I was expected to pay or not...and I had no money. My lunch was tuna and crackers that day. So I declined. He came in the next day and asked me to lunch again...and again I declined. While he was working on the computers, he'd send me an IM to "test" them, so I had his screenname and he had mine.

A month later, I saw him online, and felt a nudge to IM him. A whirlwind followed...we IM'd the rest of the day at work, and towards the end of the day, he talked me into giving him my home number. We talked late into the night. The next day, we talked all day on IM, and all NIGHT. I kid you not, until 4:30 or 5:00 the next morning. We were both dragging at work. That was a Wednesday. Thursday he was heading to Poplarville to spend the night with his folks and then drive to a conference with Quixtar in Houston with his mom and sister. We made arrangements to meet at the Hattiesburg mall for supper, and spent about 3 hours together. He tried to kiss me a couple times as he was leaving and I kept ducking my head. All the poor boy got was a hug!

The following week was our first official date...it was the last Thursday in March, 2000. We had dinner, and drove around a lot...he took me to Poplarville to his family farm, and wanted me to meet his parents but they weren't home. We had so much fun, and I finally let him kiss me as I was getting ready to get back in my car and go home. To say the earth moved would be an understatement. I came home very confused and with more questions than answers.

Jared's 6th birthday was the following week, and I let him meet Justin. I was very protective of who got to meet my kids. It was love at first sight. Jared IMMEDIATELY wanted to ride in Justin's truck and did NOT want me to go with them. He had so much fun at Justin's family's farm, and all in all was a great day. It was that week at some point that I knew I was in love with Justin. My friend John and I talked about it a lot. I'd "fallen in love" with and married my first husband in a week...I didn't want to think I was making the same mistake again. John was instrumental in convincing me to tell Justin how I felt.

The following weekend was Easter, and my ex had the kids. Justin and I spent the weekend in Jackson, and I told him Friday night that I loved him. He was stunned and I felt like...well like I'd messed up. The next day we went to the Vicksburg National Park...Civil War site...and had so much fun. We explored all day, and he let it slip that he loved me too. It took him completely by surprise when he said it, but he never looked back from that point. That day is one of the best I have memories of...being in love and not being pressured about anything...it was just wonderful. We'd been dating a day past 2 weeks.

The following weekend...3 weeks into our relationship, he took me to the coast, to dinner at Red Lobster. We were dressed up, because we were supposed to be going to a Quixtar meeting, but we ran late so decided to have dinner and then walk on the beach instead. He got down on one knee on the beach, pulled a box out of his pocket, and proposed to me, in the moonlight, with my beloved ocean in the background.

It all moved so fast...we were married 4 months later, and while we've had a couple rough spots in our marriage...August will make 7 years, and I've never looked back. God blessed us with Bekah...a miracle if ever there was one. Justin wasn't supposed to be able to have children...and Bekah herself was a twin. We lost the twin around 7-8 weeks gestation, and I went on complete bed rest so I wouldn't lose her too. They were fraternal thankfully. We get mad at each other...and sometimes yell during our fights. We don't go to bed mad, and I honestly believe I'll be married to him until one or both of us dies. We're such complete opposites...and yet I love him more every day that goes by.

How did this Father's Day turn into a walk down memory lane with Justin? Not sure. All I know is that God does answer our prayers...sometimes we miss it, sometimes we're lucky enough to catch it by the skin of our teeth. Justin is a strict man, but he's also a loving and generous man...and never considers himself to be a father of 1. He always talks about "my kids"...not "my stepkids." He loves them as much as he loves Bekah...or if he doesn't quite, you'd never know it by his actions and words. Its really hard on him to share them with my ex-husband, because he feels like they're his children...but he's gracious about it and my kids...all 3 of them...know that if they ever need anything...he's here for them.

Last of all...this Father's Day, we need to remember our Heavenly Father...without whom NOTHING would be possible. I myself forget to be as grateful as I should be...to give thanks as often as I should. I'll be making more of an effort to do so...take more time to pray and read the Bible than I've been doing. God has been so generous with me, and I've been less than the perfect daughter. Its time I worked on that a lot more than I've been doing lately.

Happy Father's Day!

Audubon Zoo

On Memorial Day, Justin took the kids and me to The Audubon Zoo. We had a lot of fun and I got to try out my new digital camera. However, the pictures were so many, and so large, that I never could get them uploaded on our dialup connection. But...we got WildBlue satellite internet Friday...and while I can't play WoW on it (bummer, cause we're probably going to cancel the house phone) our speeds are SO much better.

So I uploaded most of the decent pics here. Well these are of the family. I'll make another sub-album for the animals...and another for the flora and fauna pics I took. I took WAY too many of those...but I just had to try out my new camera right? Some of the pictures could definitely be better, because I didn't figure out the auto-focus feature until we were about halfway through the zoo *blush*.

But hey, we had fun, right? Here are a couple of my favorite pics of the family:

Wild Blue

Well Justin got us hooked up with Wild Blue today. The good news...I can go anywhere in the house and outside with my laptop and have a fast internet connection. The bad news...WoW doesn't play well on it at ALL, despite the assurances of the sales rep that his son played on it better than on dialup. NOPE. Still, Justin needs the faster connection for work, and if we can't have this AND Bellsouth, its bye bye dialup and limited WoW playing for me. I'll be unhappy, but I'll live :)

About Justin's work...they finally got the server problem fixed Monday and he's sleeping better now. WHEW.

Newest Addition to our Family

We haven't picked a name yet...in fact I put up a poll on my board because there is a fierce debate raging between the kids and me right now. Justin doesn't know that we have her...in fact our last conversation was not too positive...but I'm hoping I can work him around. If worst comes to to worst, she can go outside once she's used to us...but I really don't want to lose another animal to the road...so hopefully I can convince him, AND live up to my end of the bargain.

So anyway, I'll update as soon as a name is chosen!!!

Its all good

All is forgiven. Justin bought me the patio set to match the swing he bought me for my birthday. I really wasn't expecting it, but was wanting it, and he went and got it for me today! If I can find pictures I'm going to throw them up...we got the set from Wal-Mart but apparently it isn't available online so I'm having difficulty getting a good picture up.

My porch looks so nice now...well except for the deep freezer...but until we get a roof on the back porch, the freezer will remain on the front porch for now. We got it in February, and we put it on the porch since the last one went out fairly quickly when it was only slightly protected from the elements.

We're going to cookout tonight...and when we went to get the patio set, I bought a sprinkler too...Jared wasted no time "installing" it under the trampoline, and the kids are in their bathing suits, jumping on the trampoline in the sprinkler. Yes, its the poor man's swimming pool!

Definitely a YAY :)

Today I was told that Michelle wanted me to go to personnel and update my career preferences to include Money Center and Customer Service, so I did. After I did that, I was told that its official...I'm going to be full-time over there. I asked which one, and was told that since I'm one of the very few people who are "proficient" in both areas, that they're going to be using me in both. Hey, no problem, it'll keep me from getting bored. I'd better have an equal split of days and nights though. Its not going to be at ALL fair if I end up closing all the time. I'll deal with it of course, but that doesn't mean I'll like it.

So anyway. That's a great thing :) Next week I have 2 days scheduled in Customer Service, and I'm hoping that I can swing it to work in MC the other 3 days. If not, I'll deal with it. I like being a cashier anyway, and won't mind doing it once in a while. OH I'm so excited!! This is definitely a step in the right direction!!

Maybe a YAY

I was in Money Center yesterday and again today. I'm supposed to be there tomorrow but I can't close (I have to go back to the doctor tomorrow afternoon). They also changed my schedule for the week after next so that I'm in MC most of the week. I really campaigned yesterday for full-time MC or a split between MC and CS, and today Carol (CSM) told me she thought Michelle (assistant manager in charge of the Front End) was going to make it permanent. Later today, Mary (floral manager) told me she'd asked Michelle this morning if she could have me again this week and next, since Mother's Day is coming up, and Michelle told her no, because I was being moved up to Money Center. Please please please let it be permanent!!! If I didn't have to worry about overdoing it physically every day, my life would be so much simpler...and in Money Center, there's NO heavy lifting whatsoever.

So maybe this is a yay :)

I got a job!!!

Yippee! I was so stressing over finances Wednesday, and that evening I got a call from Walmart wanting me to come interview. I went Thursday, and even though the experience itself was a nightmare (I don't even want to get into it, but it took over 4 hours!), they offered me $9.20 an hour to cashier. That's INSANE money down here. I go for orientation next Friday. They wanted me Tuesday but I have an appointment with my surgeon on Tuesday that I can't change.

SO now I'll be able to buy Christmas for my kids. I'm not going to be making a huge amount of money after gas, taxes, and tithes, but any extra will help, not to mention the discount will also help.

I'm excited :)

A great night last night!

Last night was a good night...I gave in and took a darvocet. Then I felt nauseated and was trying not to throw up, so I took a phenergen. A couple hours later I took another darvocet (I can have 2 every 6 hours). Finally around 11p.m. I lay down to try to sleep, and I slept all night. I woke up hurting, but the pain was alleviated for most of the night, and that's a good thing. My doctor's nurse was adamant yesterday that I should take the pills when I'm hurting, so that's one reason I gave in.

I had to turn the heat on this morning...fall is finally here. We had a cold front move through last night. Personally I don't need the heat, but Bekah does. I don't want my baby getting sick. I like the cooler weather though. Its always such a relief.

Justin and his dad are picking up the tin for our porch roof this morning. I'm SO excited about having a real roof up there instead of a tarp. He'll probably be working all today on getting it installed, but that's ok. My porch will officially be FINISHED!!!

Happy Birthday to my Baby

Today my "baby" turns 4 years old. Technically it's about 7 hours from now, but who wants to be technical! I'm thrilled that she's such a big girl, but sad too because she's my last child. Still, she was a miracle to begin with, and we've been so blessed to have her.

We had her birthday party last night. There was a strong Dora theme...all but one of her presents was Dora of some sort lol. She had a Dora cake, Dora cups, plates and napkins, and Dora is sleeping in her bed with her right now.

Happy birthday Rebekah Karan...know that you are greatly loved by us all :)

Happy Anniversary!!!

Justin and I have been married 6 years today. Time does fly. It seems like yesterday I was upset and crying over my life and prayed that God would send me a man who would love my children as if they were his, and would love Him and want to go to church with me. The VERY next day, Justin walked in at work and asked me out. It took almost 2 months for me to agree to go out with him, since we both worked for the same company. Our courtship was shorter than our engagement...he proposed, on bended knee, in a suit, on the beach (my dream) 3 weeks to the day after our first "date". It took two dates for me to hug him, and three dates for a kiss LOL. We were engaged for four months...an eternity compared to our courtship...

We have no money to go out, which is fine...we're getting out of debt and have to make sacrifices. So I've been saving some pork chops for this occasion...he LOVES my baked chops. I thawed them out, and when I was rinsing them, the smell hit me. They'd somehow gone bad in the freezer. Great. So now we're all eating a variety of leftovers for our "big" anniversary dinner. This is my life.

We're having family portraits done this evening at church, for our church directory. Its very cool that they're doing a new directory so soon after we joined the church...I've never been in a church directory :) If they'll let us order later, or give them a post-dated check, then we'll buy a couple for us. I wish we could afford a nice package, but its Olan Mills, so it'll be expensive probably.

I can't seem to get enough sleep the past couple days. I went ages without sleep, and now I'm sleeping TOO much. The meds maybe? I did go to bed late last night, around 12:30 a.m., but the night before that I was in bed before midnight, and the night before that I was asleep by 10:00 p.m. Yesterday and today I went back to bed after getting Justin and the kids off, although this morning I logged in for an hour first. Yesterday I didn't get up until after 1:00 p.m., and this morning it was 11:45 when I dragged myself (unwillingly) out of bed and got a shower. I would easily sleep all day I think...and I'm sitting here yawning right now and feel just bone tired. I think, weather permitting tomorrow, I'm going to go to the park and walk the track. Its a 1/4 mile track, and every so often, there are workout stations, with various equipment (outdoor equipment). I'm feeling much better from the surgeries, so I think it will do me good, and hopefully will get rid of this lethargy. I haven't walked in days because of the weather...and I think I really need to get back to it.

OK enough of a novel for now. I'm going to finish my leftover red beans and rice (leftover of choice for Bekah and me), guzzle the rest of my Coke (the spices apparently have fermented because these beans are HOTTER than I remember!) and go get ready for portraits. We have to be there at 8:10 tonight. I didn't want to go that late but had no choice since the earlier spots were taken.